Today Denver, tomorrow the world!

The funny thing is not this site, or the blue helmet, but the idea that a complete knucklehead — a tinfoil-beanie conspiracy theorist who panhandles political cronies to pay his mortgage, can’t master the intricacies of campaign-finance regulations and yet believes he’s qualified to be governor of Colorado — could actually win the nomination of a major political party outside the pages of a sci-fi potboiler or a TV sitcom.

Not that you Republicans had much choice. I’ll grant you that much. Pressed to decide between a tool and a fool in the primary, you went straight to the fool, just like you did in 2000 and 2004. Consistency counts for something, and I’ll give you extra credit for ruthlessly coloring inside the lines in your own personal, deeply disturbed comic-book worldview. Coloring outside them is for weirdos, Democrats and queers, right, fellas? And when you get right down to it, ain’t they all the same thing? An unholy trinity that constitutes a clear and present danger, a threat to the Amerikan Way of Life®?

Damn’ right. Thus this website. Dan Maes went and outed our plans to turn Denver into a model United Nations village, with free bicycles, solar-powered latté machines and mandatory public sodomy, and so we’re going to do our level best to jerk him out of his limo’, punt him to the back of the short bus where he belongs and elect Comrade John Hickenlooper governor of Colorado in hopes that he’ll bro’-deal us a pint or two. Or three.

After all, smashing the State is thirsty work.